theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
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