It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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