At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
