I got chris browned last night
Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
