I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
the day after is always just damage control
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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