I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
