He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
