Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I'm getting married
To pizza
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
