I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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