Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
