And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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