Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
