ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
