it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
