At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
