mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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