So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
