naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
