I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
