If you die in college, do you die in real life?
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
We left the knife in your bed.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Randomize
