Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
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