Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Randomize
