you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
So squirting runs in the family.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize
