I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
