Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
