This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
