my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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