my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
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