His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
