i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
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