doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
