the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
