the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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