I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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