So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
