I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize