high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
