We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
