I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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