you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
You left your phone here
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