Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Randomize
