Cold hands, warm shart.
Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I think im going to throw up on grandma
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
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