i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Randomize
