Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
