Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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