Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
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