On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
