Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
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