Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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