absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
