Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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