You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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