I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
