This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Randomize
