Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
