she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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