nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Come share oat with me in your robe
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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