You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
