No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Randomize
