can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
