when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
false alarm. still invincible.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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