i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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