She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
