Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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