I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I want to fling myself into the sun
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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