I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
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