What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
