It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
