Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Randomize
