No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
